Stand still.. stand for two hours – look around, turn back, go around and walk. Walk – drawing circles – walk with no intention. Focus on your environment. Trees have left no leaves, branches waving under heavy wind. One leave fell of the ground, but you missed it – since you turned the other side of the circle. Continue walking, find out the front door was open. Go down, close it. Damn you fool, you looked at your watch and it was just four minutes, although you had thirty turns on your walk. You failed, because you realized the power of now was not enough to fill your time – you came from the busiest life ever and now looking at leaves or birds or cars or sth. sth. is like the strongest pain or is it?
Now your focus shifted from now to past and the future. What happened in the past- why? You want to have everything calm down and go in the harmony of what now and unknown future is. But you lose to the power of anxiety – it reminds your busiest ever life- start to think of past, go over and over the same old things and lose yourself in the power of hatred and regret and joy and anger. You looked at your watch again, dying to see it passed fourty five minutes – and what you realize is thirty. Better than nothing. You can leave it, quit there and go sleep. Bu you cannot – the very position you take is the best suitable way to watch, whatever needs to be watched. Even in an Auster style, be trapped in the work you do and be yourself. You know you have to both learn how to have two hours get passed and how to enjoy it. Than you realize you are the center of your domain and rule the entire environment around.
Urban and rural – urban surrounds and even maybe traps people’s life such high that, this incredible busyness looks as freedom. It is indeed freedom with the amountless number of choices that occupies time until you fall asleep. But when time is not occupied as it is in urban surroundings the distinction between asleep and awake is getting fuzzier. Hardest is the life style transition as body tries to fill that turn with anxiety because you…
It is 3 am, bed time – things normalized – freedom (cannot be found neither in urban nor rural)